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Daemon Inside Me

Daemon Inside Me

Elizabeth Jetton

Have you ever looked up at the sky

Saw a dark fleet of cloud rolling by

And suddenly your heart is filled with impending doom

And you realize life is your eternal tomb

 

For years I too felt this way

Got up in the morning, brushed my teeth, got ready for the day

I saw the destruction coming, but couldn’t get out of the way

Flash frozen in the internal Pompeii

 

You see I struggle with the Daemon called mental illness

Psychotic delusions, mania, depressed

I wore a mask to hide my shame

Tattooed with a number, I gave up my name

 

This was a battle I fought all along

I tread through my psyche unforgiving and overgrown

No call for back up, no charging cavalry

I was the Hannibal in my battle for Sanity

 

Understand it wasn’t that I didn’t need help

My voice had been stolen, I was left with not even a yelp

Everyday I fought a battle no one could see

I wasn’t embarrassed of asking for help, I was embarrassed of me

 

So you see I had no choice but to struggle in silence

That demon I suppressed with self-reliance

I was so afraid of how others would look at me

That was before I found this thing called Recovery

 

Now I realize the problem wasn’t me

The ones who should be embarrassed is society

I needed help, I was thrown the book

I cried out I reciprocated dirty looks

I was never ill, I can just in an unwell place,

We need to wrap those who are struggling with compassion, not disgrace

With words like crazy, insane, deranged

The thought that someone would find recovery is actually quite strange

 

So play along with me for a minute or two

Altogether, let’s try something new

Look at around you and show me the man

Show me the one who cannot understand

Understand how it feels to not want to live

To have absolutely nothing else to give

The feeling like you don’t even have one friend

To not know when you’re deadly suffering will end

To feel so tired all you can do is lie in bed

Like a ceiling fan is just hit, hit, hitting you in the head

To be in crowd full of people yet to feel so along

Like you’re breathing under water with muscle of stone

Like your alien who is just wearing your skin

Like leaving your house in deadly sin

The feeling like you can no longer go on

Show me that man,

And I’ll show you how all that made me strong

 

So don’t look at me with pity

Don’t look at me with fear

Together in this place, today, we can start something new here

Don’t expect me to feel any shame

Because before I had a diagnosis, I went by my name

My name is Elizabeth

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