Hello. Pizza Milano?
—No, sir. This is Pizza Google.
Oh, sorry, I must have the wrong number.
—No, this is the number; we acquired Pizza Milano.
Ok! Can you take my order?
—Yes, of course. The usual?
“The usual?” Do you know me?
—Yes, we identified you by your telephone number, and according to your last several orders, you had thick crust pizza with extra cheese and peppers.
Wow, you’ve got it!
—Thanks, but could I suggest for this time ricotta, spinach and dried tomato?
No! I hate dried tomatoes.
—Well, your cholesterol level isn’t good.
Hey, how do you know?
—Thanks to our list of subscribers we have the results of your blood work for the last 7 years…
Well, now I’m taking medication for it.
—You don’t take the medication regularly, though—it’s been 4 months since you got the last bottle of pills at your CVS.
I buy them at a different pharmacy now!
—Oh? That doesn’t show up on your credit card bill…
I paid in cash.
—Maybe, but according to your bank statement you haven’t withdrawn any amount corresponding to such a purchase.
I have other places than that I bank!!
—You do? It’s not on your last tax return – maybe you have some sources of income that you failed to declare?
No! Okay, that’s enough—Google, Facebook, Twitter, WatsAp—I’m sick of you. Done. I’m exiling myself to an island with no internet and no cell phone reception where you can’t spy on me!
—I understand sir. But you’ll have to renew your passport—it expired 5 weeks ago.
Anonymous (well, maybe not)