I have always had a roof over my head; it has only been a matter of finding one after moving to a new place. I have moved around quite a bit – different countries, different cities within those countries, different places within the cities in those countries. Sometimes by necessity, mostly by choice.
I have often wondered what home is, and where home is for me. Having been born and raised in Italy, I consider Italy my homecountry. There I had my family and nearly all my friends. Yet, every country I have lived in, I have made my “home”, however temporarily. I house hunted like I was going to live there for the rest of my life, I charted the new places and established routines: I found new favorites—shopping areas, gyms, movie theaters, cafés. It was fun, it was exciting, it was challenging. I was younger.
This sense of home changed when I got married to an American, and moved to US where I did not know anyone else. My husband became my home, no matter where we lived. When he divorced me, my sense of home changed again. I lost “my home”- my sense of safety and stability. And I thought back to the question a very wise job interviewer once asked me “How do you find your center/ stability?”
Back then I talked about establishing routines and finding new fa- vorites. Now, almost twenty years later, I am beginning to think that my home, my center and my stability are inside of me. If I can take care of myself and love myself, I can live by my values, if I am able to express my feelings and needs honestly and authentically, if I can be vulnerable and continue to show up, I have better chances to “feel at home” anywhere.
–AZ
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